As a lot of you already know, I don't moderate my own comments. My buddies from Mormon Bachelor Pad moderate them so I don't have to read the crap that mean commentors leave me. It pretty much rules. I decided to feature them on my blog so they could get some more of my readers. The other night I interviewed them, and it was pretty much hilarious. I am showing you only a fragment of the interview because it was much too long. Enjoy!
The time I tried to make a "group chat"...
Lauren: ok, let me figure out how to open a chat room for us.
Calvin: Awesome.
Lauren: and by figure out, i mean ask someone to tell me how to do it...duh.
Calvin: Should I be trying to figure it out, as well?
Lauren: i am sure if you tweeted something the girls would be freaking out over who would be the first one to help you. because obviously the one to volunteer first will be your future wife.
Lauren: and by figure out, i mean ask someone to tell me how to do it...duh.
Calvin: Should I be trying to figure it out, as well?
Lauren: i am sure if you tweeted something the girls would be freaking out over who would be the first one to help you. because obviously the one to volunteer first will be your future wife.
Calvin: One of my future wives, you mean.
Lauren: well of course. dude, i figured it out.
Lauren: well of course. dude, i figured it out.
The time they didn't know what "fanfiction" was...
Lauren: let's start it off with Bekah's question...she wants to know if you guys will start a site called LDSfanfiction.com and she wants to be your beta.
Jake: I don't even know what language that is...
Calvin: Beta, like the fish?
Jake: I don't even know what language that is...
Calvin: Beta, like the fish?
Lauren: don't worry i have no idea what a beta is either.
Calvin: It sounds kinda hot, though. Tell her yes. Make up something that will make her love us.
Lauren: I am pretty sure she already loves you...
Jake: Me too.
Calvin: Oh. Good. Then something that will make her lust us.
Jake: We honestly don't know what that is? Are we supposed to know whta a ldsfanfic.net is?
Lauren: homework assignment: look it up later and prepare to laugh.it's where fans of something...let's say Harry Potter, write their own stories as a supplement to the original. it is totally illegal. and it is so nerdy
Jake: Like Harry potter Snogging Sam-wise-gamgee and stuff. Nice
Jake: It'll be awesome when there MBP fanfiction.net and Cal and I get to do it. fiction of course.
Lauren: of course.
That time I found out what music they listen to...
Lauren: what bands are played the most on your ipod? ready, go!
Calvin: I listen to a lot of soundtracks. So I'd say Braveheart and Grease get the most plays.
Jake: Rise Against, Saosin, Lady Gaga
Lauren: Grease? Lady Gaga? you are kidding me.
Calvin: Something about the crudity of Grease Lightning gets me every time.
Jake: Okay I only like one lady gaga song.
Lauren: which one...you better say "paparazzi" or "just dance" or we cant be friends.
Jake: it's "just dance"...of course.
Lauren: Ted loves Grease too...ten bucks if he was here right now and i told him that he would want to leave me for you.
Calvin: Ted is hottspice.
The time Jake was texting maybe Andrea...
Calvin: Jake may be distracted. He has an ex-girlfriend texting him right this second.
Lauren: ...and by ex do you mean...andrea?
Calvin: I asked if it was Andrea and he just shook his head while he was texting.
Lauren: tell her to hop on gmail chat.
Jake: I would love to, but I may talk about her in an upcoming post so this has to stay secret.
Lauren: I feel ya...well not literally... but you know what i mean.
That time Jake revealed a weird frozen treat he likes...
Lauren: this is highly important, crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
Jake: crunchy. except on ice cream.
Jake: crunchy. except on ice cream.
Calvin: You put PB on ice cream?
Lauren: is it straight up delicious?
Calvin: Sounds straight up disgustingspice.
Jake: yes, I always get it on a banana split in place of pineapple or carmel, it is soooo good.
Calvin: That's pretty gross. Are you going to ask about the 3 things that make us gag? Cause that might make my list.
Lauren: calvin...srsly...you have to prefer either the crunch or the smooth.
Jake: crunchy is harder to spread on bread... consider that.
Calvin: I'd pick the blue one, cause blue is prettier than red.
Calvin: Which one is blue?
Calvin: Which one is blue?
Lauren: that would be crunchy. i know this because i only buy the crunch.
Calvin: Ok then. Crunchy.
That time they told me the worst thing they ever said to a girl...
Lauren: what is the worst thing you have ever said to a girl? intentionally or unintentionally.
Jake: One time I said to my mom," I don't date returned sister missionaries because they're all a little psycho and less likely to be cute." She got this crazy look on her face and then told me how much that hurt her feelings. I sorta forgot that she was a returned sister missionary. it was sad.
Jake: PS...moms are girls.
Lauren: aw...that is sad. poor thing.
Calvin: I was making-out horizontally with a girl before my mission and I grabbed her butt with both hands. I wanted to express my desire so I said, through gritted teeth, "I LOVE your big butt".
Lauren: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Calvin: I meant to say beautiful or perfect...
Lauren: I am dying...
Calvin: Anything except big... but that's what came out.
Calvin: Kinda killed the mood.
Calvin: Kinda killed the mood.
Lauren: what did she do?
Calvin: I back pedaled like crazy... nervous laughter and stuff
Jake: Yeah, and when she made out with me weeks later it was all she could talk about... kind of lame.
Calvin: Whatever, dude.
Lauren: i bet she retells that story at every girl's night.
Calvin: Probably, Lauren.
Lauren: i totally would. i think i might steal that and pretend it happened to me just so i will have the best story at girl's night.
Calvin: Help yourself. $1 royalty fee every time you tell it.
That time Calvin did a stupid dare for Dr. Pepper...
Lauren: what is the craziest thing you have done on a bet or a dare?
Jake: I get naked at the drop of hat so that's never too crazy...
Jake: one time I jumped out of the back of a speeding pick-up onto a trampoline. Didn't break anything but tore a bunch of hair out of my arm on one of the tramp springs.
Lauren: oh my gosh!
Lauren: oh my gosh!
Calvin: In high school, I spent an entire evening wearing only my greenish blue briefs and my shoes and socks... and my watch in exchange for a 1 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper.
Lauren: that is amazing. where were you?
Calvin: My friend who bet me drove me to all of the most embarrassing places he could think of... including a girls house I had a crush on at the time.
Lauren: i would have asked for a little more than a Dr. Pepper...
Calvin: I was stupid.
Lauren: ...was?
Calvin: Um... am.
That time we talked about Thomas S. Monson...
Lauren: who are you the most freaked out to find you run the blog? i dunno if that sentence makes sense.
Jake: Thomas S Monson
Calvin: lol @ Jake!
Calvin: I'd have to agree.
Lauren: do you think he reads any blogs? like, srsly.
Calvin: I'm sure Mrs. Monson does.
Lauren: do you think she reads BBL?
Calvin: I don't see why not. Calvin: they probably chat about it as pillow talk.
Jake: He's the prophet, they are all just imprinted into his mind... so yes. all blogs.
Lauren: "imprinted into his mind." jake wins for making me laugh the hardest today! haha...
Calvin: lol harder @ jake.
That time we found out they aren't 40 year old men...
Lauren: are you 40 year old dudes?
Jake: if you add us together we're somewhere in there.
Lauren: good answer. so i shouldn't be worried that you were the man that told me he liked my butt in the produce section?
Calvin: That doesn't narrow it down, Lauren.
Calvin: I'm sure everyone tells you that.
Calvin: I'm sure everyone tells you that.
Jake: aye
Calvin: Did he have all of his hair?
Lauren: he had stinky breath like Creed's.
Calvin: Creed? That band or the bad guy in Metroid?
Lauren: no, the creepster guy in Office. do you guys not watch?
Lauren: FYI...Creed is the worst band of all time.
Jake: I actually don't like the office. (cringe) sorry
Calvin: I've watched the earlier seasons on DVD, but I'm too busy to watch it on TV. Is he a new character?
Jake: "with arms wide open, under the sunlight, welcome to this place I'll take you every where..."
Lauren: Jake is plaguing my mind...
Calvin: Isn't that Journey?
Lauren: Journey is "don't stop...bedonkadonkin."...or whatever the crap it says.
Jake: Is that from the Office too?
The time I yelled out with anger...
Lauren: costa vida or cafe rio?
Calvin: Cafe Rio.
Jake: RIO!
Lauren: oh my gosh. i think i just died inside.
Jake: Costa Vida sucks, I'm dying.
Lauren: i just yelled out loud...seriously. i did.
Jake: I'm a salad guy, and Rio's blow Costa copiers away.
Calvin: I mostly just like the way Cafe Rio stacks their napkins. It's awesome.
Jake: I bet you like RC cola too...posers.
Jake: Lauren we will meet you tomorrow at Cafe Rio. In person. You just have to eat their food. Mwa hahahaha.
That time we talked of Lost...and The Road...
Lauren: I am so glad you guys are watching Lost!!!!!
Calvin: I've always watched, but Jake is a recent convert. Don't ruin anything. He's only seen 3.5 seasons.
Lauren: I wont...but i did cry when *spoiler!* died.
Calvin: Like... tears running down your face?
Lauren: no, i have only had tears roll down my face after i read "the road".
Calvin: I read that book. Loved it.
Lauren: calvin...you have redeemed yourself. you are back to my favorite guy friend that i dont really know.
Jake: Is that a book or a fortune cookie fortune?
Calvin: Uh oh. Jake just gave me a I'm-Jealous-of-you-and-Lauren's-friendship evil eye.
That time I found out girls shouldn't wear poofy dresses...
Lauren: what is your favorite thing girls wear?
Jake: I like long dresses a lot, the kind that go down to the ankles.
Lauren: they don't make many long dresses any more. How sad for you...
Jake: I know... bummer.
Calvin: Luckily you shop thrifty so you can find them.
Calvin: Maybe you can mail them to girls we date.
Jake: and white I really like girls in white. I just think white is hot. White hot.
Jake: Thats why brides are always so smokin..
Jake: unless the dresss is poofy, that sucks...
Calvin: Like a Prom dress poofy?
Jake: Like sense and sensibiliy poofy.
Calvin: Those suck. You can't see the girls curves. 1800's poofy. That's the worst.
Lauren: HAHAHAHA i am dying!
Jake: except I like poofy nunderwear like in seven brides for seven brothers
Jake: that is different.
Jake: that is different.
Lauren: i was in seven brides for seven brothers! i can't make these things up.
Jake: no way!
Calvin: Poofy underwear? You like that?
The time we talked about "Deal Breakers"...
Lauren: what's your deal breaker?
Calvin: Long, professionally done finger nails.
Lauren: ew! hate them.
Jake: A googly eye
Lauren: a googly eye?
Calvin: Jake is paranoid of wandering eyes on girls.
Calvin: Just one wandering eye. The other one stares where it's suppposed to.
Jake: you know when one eye is all googly and you don't know which one is looking at you!
Jake: but which ones which? aaaaaggh!
Lauren: you know girls with eyes like that?
Calvin: Wandering inward is not so bad, I don't think. It's when they wander outward... like a horse.
Lauren: "like a horse"! SLAYED! I have been slayed!!
Calvin: You know... with eyes on either side of the head.
Jake: or one of those lizards.
Lauren: i want to meet one of these girls.
Calvin: No you don't. You'll have nightmares.
Calvin: Ha ha. night-MARES!
Lauren: HAHAHAHAH!!!! so witty!
Jake: haha + 10 knee slaps
That time we wrapped it up...(not like that)
Calvin: So, Lauren?
Lauren: what?
Calvin: What did you think of this interview? Did we do ok?
Lauren: i thought it was smashing.
Calvin: Remember that we're only 6's... 6.5 tops.
Jake: on the LOS
